


Straight on 'til Morning

by Cinderella1181



Category: Third Star (2010)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-02
Updated: 2014-07-02
Packaged: 2018-02-07 03:22:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1883250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cinderella1181/pseuds/Cinderella1181
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jamie spent his life listening to his family’s stories of his father. Now the week of his 20th birthday, he asks his uncles to bring him to Barafundle Bay.</p>
<p>They do, but he doesn’t get the results he quite hopes for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Straight on 'til Morning

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Golden Hour](https://archiveofourown.org/works/922619) by [tallulah99](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tallulah99/pseuds/tallulah99). 



Jamie watched the tape so many times it began to wear out. Uncle Miles took it from him and converted it to DVD and he continued to watch it. He grew up watching the images of his dad, and as he got older, and grew in to the young man he was, he realized a few simple things. 

He looked almost identical to his father, down to the curve of his lips, and he hated that he never got a chance to know him. He knew about him. His Nanny and Pop-pop had told him everything about James’ entire life. He had spent days and weeks and years of his life in his dad’s room, in his bed, in his closet (which now, may not have been such a good idea- the first time he came down in his dad’s clothes, Nanny had cried for two hours straight, that was when he was sure he looked exactly like his dad at his age) immersed in his life.

And he had uncles who loved him and told him all the things that his mum and Nanny wished they wouldn’t. 

But he knew all of it made them sad. 

Sad that he was there, and that his dad was not. Not that they would have traded him in, he knew that deep in his heart. He knew he was loved. But sad that his dad never knew about him, never got to see him. 

But there was something Jamie never told anyone: He knew his dad came to him in dreams. He knew he played on the beach with him at Barafundle. He came to him in dreams when he was sick, or stressed, or when he needed him the most, he would sit on the edge of his bed and rub his head. Even now. He would be twenty in a week. And even now, he came to him still and told him he loved him. But Jamie told no one; he kept it all to himself for fear that the visits would stop if he did. 

Now he stood by the rover and looked at his uncles, so much older than they had been twenty years before, piling things into the back of the truck. They were getting ready to make the journey with him _\- the first journey with him -_ to Barafundle Bay. He wondered what they were feeling. He wondered what they were thinking. He smiled as brightly as he could and watched as they all hugged and kissed their aunts and cousins. He kissed his mum and Nanny and Pop-pop and everyone else involved and climbed in to the truck.

…..  
“Uncle Bill?” Jamie asked quietly. They had started the hike, his other uncles off relieving themselves.

“Yeah Jamie?” He said looking over.

“Are you okay?” He asked quietly. “Are you all okay with this? I know you’ve not…since…”

Bill rubbed his face and clasped the back of Jamie’s neck and smiled at him. “We need this just as much as you do boy. You’re so much like him, but so much your mum too.”

“Is this a Harry Potter, you have your mum’s eyes moment?” Jamie smiled that lopsided grin at him. 

“See that sarcasm right there is 100% your father.” Bill laughed and cuffed him up the back off the head. “Come on let’s keep going.”

……  
Jamie dreamt that night. He was on the beach, his dad was standing there, the water lapping at his ankles. Jamie went and stood next to him. He was the same height and build, practically identical to his father in every way. James turned his head and looked at him and smiled. He reached out and put his hand on Jamie’s shoulder. He squeezed and sighed. “Are you sure you’re ready for this boy? It’s not going to be easy. The things they are going to tell you, the secret they are going to ask you to keep.”

Jamie looked at him. “I have to know. “ James nodded and dropped his hand. Something in the waves brushed against Jamie’s foot and it made him look down. He looked back up and he was alone on the beach. “Dad?” He called out. “DAD!” 

……  
“At least I’m not carrying your heavy ass.” His Uncle Miles said, trying to make light of the tension that was building. Every step brought them closer to the bay and every step weighed his uncles down. He smiled. “Your dad, even at his lightest, was still heavy.”

“No, I can make this all on my own.” He said, stopping just before the last rise. He looked at them. “Are you sure you all want to do this with me? I mean. I understand, if you don’t want to…”

 

“Jamie, we have been there, every day of your life since the moment we knew you existed. You want this, we will oblige.” Davy said. “I was technically there at your creation.” He shuddered. Miles and Bill, both gave him a look. “You don’t want to know. Amanda asked to tell him that story. I will honor that request.” 

They nodded and looked at Jamie. “Are you ready?” Bill asked. 

For the first time since he had asked his uncles to do this, Jamie hesitated. He sat down on the ground. The sound of the ocean behind him. “I dreamt of him last night. He was with me and then he was gone and I’m not sure if I do this, he will ever come back. What…what if he never comes back again?” 

Miles squatted down on his haunches and looked out towards the bay. “I dreamt of him too. And do you know what he said to me? _‘Thank you for raising my son.’_ He’s so proud of you Jamie. So proud. You can do this. You need to hear the story. You need to know what happened that morning.” 

“Do you think he would have wanted me?” Jamie asked quietly. 

“Oh god boy, he wanted you and he didn’t even know you existed.” Bill joined Miles next to him. “He wanted you before you were even thought about. He wanted you for years and he just didn’t know it. I dreamt of him too. He told me to be strong for you.”

“I didn’t dream of him.” Davy said. “I’ve not dreamt of him in years. He promised me peace, and he has given it to me. But you can do this, you’re strong like him. So, stand up and let’s go… let’s go see what’s going to be your most favorite place on earth.”

Jamie nodded and stood up. He turned and walked over the rise.

…...  
Jamie sat on the log for at least an hour. The ocean had pulled out quite a bit. He could hear the gentle hum of his uncles behind him speaking. 

They had told him. 

_Everything._

And so here he sat, letting all of their words process. Letting all of the heart break filter in. It hadn’t been an accident. He had done it on purpose. He had ended his own life. He was dying and instead of dying slowly, he chose to go when he still had life left in him. 

Here.

In the most beautiful place in the whole world. 

A cup of coffee appeared in his periphery and his Uncle Davy sat silently down next to him. It was quite a long time before he spoke, but when he did, it was simple. “He chose to die the way he lived, Jamie. With wonder in his soul, and surrounded by the people who meant the most to him. Bill and Miles don’t know this. I don’t even think your Nan and Pop do. I went to his last appointment. The six to nine months he was telling them was really six to nine weeks. That was it. He was going so fast, so hard.” He stopped for another few moments. “This was his choice. I hated it, hated him for it. But it was his.” 

Jamie nodded, and didn’t speak for a very long time before finally breaking his silence. “Is it possible to miss someone you never really knew?”

“I believe so.” Davy said. 

“Good, because I miss him every day.” He replied. 

His uncle nodded his head. “So do I, boy. So do I.”


End file.
